I have been pretending to everyone how cool and relaxed I was with the whole “planning the wedding” project. It’s over 10 months away so it’s easy to believe when I casually reply, “Oh we haven’t really thought about it yet.”
FH who’s more traditional than expected convinced this girl who wanted a super small (ten guests), ceremony-at-the-courthouse to dream of a more meaningful and slightly bigger wedding. He wants to declare/celebrate our love and commitment to/with our family and friends. How can I deny him of that? I was over the moon with how romantic and sentimental his vision of our wedding was (still is.)
So I've spent every spare moment poring over wedding websites and blogs ever since we got back from our Fiji trip where he proposed. When I seem to be busy with non-wedding stuff like work, a large chunk of my brain is secretly worrying about the wedding details and schedule, the budget, the guest list and my ever-widening waistline. No wonder I’ve been sick (cold/flu) the past two weeks. Of course, being sick meant more time spent lying down, curled with my MacBook and trawling the internet for wedding fluff.
Not that I wasn’t enjoying it, but one can only buckle at the enormous pressure of a wedding despite it being months away.
There’s always been a pressure to have the perfect wedding. But these days, a wedding must not only be perfect, it must be handcrafted and unique, it must span at least a weekend at a fancy destination, it must be the party to end all parties and the couple must not spend more than $1000 to achieve all this!
It seems to me that I should drop my current family and friends and find a more creative, time-rich set of family and friends, who can fill the roles of photographer, cinematographer, florist, caterer, event planner, dressmaker, musicians and fire-eating, belly-dancing clowns to entertain both adult and kids.
Then, I read the loneliest bride post on A Practical Wedding, and my psychosomatic tendencies kicked in and I felt the exact same thing as the loneliest bride.
I broke down and sobbed and blamed FH. Luckily, I recovered quickly after being soothed by FH. But it was a classic Josa meltdown right through the sobbing apologies made to FH for blaming him and being so horrible to him.
In a moment of clarity, I deleted most of the wedding style blogs (aka wedding p*rn) that I obsessively follow on my RSS news reader. I made a mental note not succumb to wedding industry pressure (why the f*ck can’t I take a cab to my wedding?!) And I told FH that I hate the bouquet and garter toss, and I did not want one at our wedding.
I know there will be a lot more wedding-related crisis in my wedding-planning future, and I do not want to overburden my FH and friends with every little worry and fear that I will have. But I do need a place to unleash my wedding rage, and I suppose the blog is the best place for it. Hardly anyone reads this, and if anyone does, I might get some “Sympathy for the (bri)devil” :)